How to Actually Trust God When Life Isn't Going the Way You Prayed
Let me ask you something honest.
When things are good — the prayers get answered, the doors open, the season feels light — do you trust God? Sure. Of course. Absolutely.
But what about when the diagnosis comes? When you lose the job, or don't get the promotion, or the house falls through for the third time? When the marriage feels stuck in the same patterns no matter how hard you're working? When you're dealing with pain from your past and wondering if God was even there?
That's where trust actually gets tested. And if I'm being honest, I think most of us trust God a lot less than we think we do.
Why We Think We Trust God More Than We Actually Do
Here's how I know trust has broken down: the second things go badly, we take control. We start striving. We apply for every job even when God has been specific about where we're supposed to be. We settle and tell ourselves, well, maybe this is as good as it gets. Or we do something quieter and maybe more painful — we slowly pull away from God without even realizing we're doing it. The intimacy gets a little thinner. We get a little more guarded. And bitterness can grow so slowly that by the time we notice it, it's already shaping how we see Him.
"Real trust comes from when it's not the outcome that we want. Real trust comes from when we're facing the bad things and we don't know what to make of them. We can't see the redemption story yet."
That's the real test. Not whether you trust Him when life is working — but whether you trust Him when you're stuck in the 500-foot view, seeing only stuckness, only the same patterns, only closed doors, and you have no idea what He's doing from the 10,000-foot view.
So how do we actually get there? How do we grow that kind of trust — the kind that holds even when things don't go the way we prayed?
I think it comes down to three things: time, trials, and surrender.
Time: Watching for God's Fingerprints
One of the hardest things about being in a difficult season is that in the middle of it, that moment or that season feels like the whole story. I was trying to do a homeschool lesson with my son recently — new territory for both of us, it was not going well, and my brain started spiraling. I've failed as a parent. This is how it's always going to be. I never should have signed up for this. In the moment, it felt definitive. Like this was the verdict on everything.
And then we finally broke through. We connected. We got it done. And I thought, oh. God was there the whole time.
Here's what time teaches us: God is always working behind the scenes, even when we can't see it. The breakthrough doesn't come out of nowhere — it comes as a result of every prayer, every hard season, every quiet work He's been doing in our hearts for months or years. We just couldn't see it yet.
Over time I've watched my marriage be transformed. I've watched God bring the exact friends and community I needed at the exact right moment. I've watched doors close that I desperately wanted to open — and later understood exactly why. I've watched Him redeem pain I thought would never stop hurting. In the middle of all of it, it felt impossible. Looking back, I can see His hand in every part of it.
But here's the thing: you have to be watching for it. "It's not that He's not already faithful. It's just that we're not seeing it." We find whatever we're looking for. If we're scanning for setbacks and signs that things are falling apart, we'll find those. But what if we started looking for God's fingerprints instead? What if we started asking, what are the possibilities of how God might be moving right now?
And then document it. Write down how you're feeling in the middle of the trial — the full weight of it — because you'll need to look back on that someday and see where He brought you from. And document every breakthrough along the way, however small, because otherwise you'll forget.
Trials: The Part Nobody Wants to Hear
The Bible comes back to it again and again: the trials are not something to escape. They're actually where some of the most significant formation happens. I know that's not always what we want to hear when we're in the middle of something hard, but it's true.
"Often our trust grows the most when we walk through trials with God by our side."
One of the biggest moments of trust-growth in my own life was a miscarriage I experienced years ago. I had been terrified of that happening — it was this fear I carried. And then it did happen. The worst thing I had imagined, came true. And what I found in the middle of it was that God was closer than I had ever felt Him. More present than I knew was possible. He did a breakthrough in me through that loss that I could not have gotten any other way.
That's not a tidy ending. It doesn't make the pain disappear. But it did something permanent in my ability to trust Him — because now when fears surface, I can say: I know He is faithful through it. I know He will bring redemption. I know He will do a work in me, even if I can't see it from where I'm standing right now.
When you're in a trial, there are three questions worth sitting with in your journal and bringing to God:
Where is God in this trial right now? Where is He? What is He doing to bring good — what can I see, and what are the possibilities I might not be seeing? And third: how might He be forming me through this? What could be growing in me as I walk through it?
You may not get clear answers to all of those. There are some things on this side of heaven we're not going to fully understand. But the practice of asking them keeps you oriented toward Him instead of toward the fear.
Surrender: The Practice That Has to Happen Every Day
The last piece is the one we have the most control over, and also the one that requires the most ongoing work.
We have to surrender. Literally, physically, practically — throw our hands up and give it back to God.
Here's where this gets real: many of us walk around with a quiet, unconscious belief that we are the managers of our own lives. That the good things happened because we worked hard and did the right things. We might not say it out loud, but the belief is there. And the problem is that when we take credit for the good things, we also take responsibility for keeping them — which means when things start to go sideways, we panic. Because if we got ourselves here, we might also lose it all. The weight of that is not something we were designed to carry.
"We've got to actually realize that the only way forward is in letting go. Really, the only way forward — through the trials, through anything big or small — is letting go. And when you let go, you will see that God will come through."
Surrender is not a one-time event. It's a practice. Before your feet hit the floor in the morning: I surrender to you, God. I surrender my life. I want what you have for me, not just what I want.
And then throughout the day — when you feel yourself slipping into anxiety, or into that overperforming mode where you're trying to make things happen through sheer force of will — catch it. Name it. And give it back. God, I started to spiral. I started to take over. I'm sorry. I'm handing this back to you. Would you give me wisdom? Would you give me what I need to walk through this?
Surrender doesn't mean you stop showing up. You still do the work, you still take the steps, you still bring what's in your hands. But you do it from a place of peace, not a place of pain. And that distinction — whether you're operating from your pain cycle or from a place of rest — changes everything about what you produce and how you show up.
Three Questions to Take With You
If you're in a hard season right now, here's where to start:
Where is God in this? Not in a detached, theological sense — but actually, actively, right now, where is He? What might He be doing that you're not seeing yet?
What is He doing to bring good? Look for it. Ask for eyes to see it. Document it when you find it.
How might He be forming you through this? What could be growing in your trust, your character, your capacity for peace, specifically because of this trial?
He is working. Even when you can't see it, even when it doesn't feel that way, even when the breakthrough isn't here yet. He doesn't waste any of it.
If this is the area where you feel most stuck, the Made Whole Podcast goes deeper into the connection between trust, the pain cycle, and getting unstuck in your everyday life. And if you want to start understanding how your pain cycle specifically connects to the places you struggle to surrender and trust — the Unstuck Workshop or the Made Whole Academy process is where that work happens in a real and practical way.
He's got you. He really does.
If something in this resonated, you don't have to stop here.
If you're not sure what's actually keeping you stuck, the free quiz is a good place to start. It takes just a few minutes and will point you toward exactly where to begin.
If you're ready to go further, the Unstuck Workshop walks you through the pain cycle, the peace cycle, and the four steps in a few hours — and it will change the way you see yourself.
Either way, you don't have to keep figuring this out alone. Made Whole is here, and your next step is closer than you think.
