Do you ever find yourself slowly getting pulled into a sense of hopelessness as you go through your day or your week?
Maybe it's big stuff. A diagnosis, finances, real marriage struggles, a job that isn't coming, a season of waiting on something that just isn't happening. But a lot of the time, it's the little things that add up. The kids are sick again. The house is a mess again. The meal didn't go well. You got into an argument with your spouse. Something at church felt off.
If you've been there, and you're sick of being stuck in that place, this one is for you.
What Hopelessness Actually Feels Like
Hopelessness can look different from one woman to the next. Sometimes it's paralyzing overwhelm, where you just want to sit on the couch because moving forward feels impossible. Sometimes it's a creeping sense of depression. Sometimes it's tied to a deep feeling of "I'm just not enough for this." And sometimes it's loneliness, like you feel alone in your marriage or you can't seem to build real friendships and it all feels so hopeless.
Whatever it's tied to, the core is usually the same. It's a belief we get caught up in, and it can sound like:
• Things won't change.
• This is how it's always going to be.
• I'm stuck here forever.
• There's no way out.
• I can't do this.
Most of the time we don't choose to go down that thought trail. It builds over time, like a dropper. One drop of water gets in, then another thing happens and another drop comes, and slowly you feel like you're drowning. Part of you knows it isn't true. But in the moment, it feels so big that there's no alternative.
Why Intense Seasons Make it Worse
I've been living in this tension lately. My husband and I got a call about a foster baby while we were on an anniversary trip in Italy, and now we have four kids, one of them a newborn. Life is really intense and really beautiful, and I'm also so tired.
Here's what I've noticed about seasons like this. When something new comes into your life, it usually throws off the systems that were already working. Before the baby, I knew exactly how to take care of myself. I knew how to get to bed on time, wake up early for my quiet time, exercise, and get my work done. Our marriage and our family had rhythms that worked too. Then something new gets added, and those old systems break down. Now you're not only navigating the new thing. You're also trying to figure out how to hold everything else together without the things that were holding you.
So the challenges go up and the care for ourselves goes down. That's exactly when hopelessness gets easy to fall into.
For me, it almost always connects back to feeling out of control. A baby who struggles to feed, and a foster system where my hands are tied. Sickness that comes back to back. A marriage frustration that, looking back, could have been solved with one simple conversation before it piled up. When I'm in survival mode, I tend to default to my worst self. I isolate. I stay in my own bubble. I don't want to talk about what's wrong.
And then one bad nap or one messy house can trigger the whole story: we're never going to get this figured out, we're never going to get our family to a peaceful place, how am I going to get all of this done and do it well?
Here's the good news. This time around, I've gotten so much better at turning it around quickly. I've noticed a pattern in how hopelessness turns back into hope, and I want to share it with you.
When You Notice Hopelessness Settling in, Here are Four Things to Do
1. Grab on to perspective
This is the biggest one. When I've asked myself why I'm handling these moments better than I used to, I hope it's because I'm stronger with the Lord and doing all the right things. But I think a big part of it is simply perspective. Getting older is a blessing. We have more experiences, and if we're walking with God, we get wiser as time goes on. (He promises to give you wisdom when you ask for it, and you can be young and still be wise.)
After ten years of marriage and raising four kids, I've now seen situations that felt hopeless and overwhelming resolve again and again. I built up this whole story in my head and it turned out to be fine. So when hopelessness comes, I can remind myself, wait a minute, I've been here before. I can keep piling on the hopelessness, or I can put it in the back of my mind, plan to talk it through later, and trust we're going to be okay.
When we fall into hopelessness, our focus gets narrow. We hyperfixate on what's wrong, make up stories, and everything gets bigger and bigger. What we need to do is zoom out. And you don't need ten years of marriage or four kids to do it. Here are a few ways:
• Say it out loud: "This too shall pass." I literally said this to myself again and again while feeding the baby on the couch. Use it like a mantra as you calm down and try to gain some perspective.
• Ask, "Will this be a big deal in five years?" I look back at what felt so hard five years ago. I remember it, but I'm not still in it. This will be the same.
• Ask, "How has God gotten me through this before?" Think of things that felt hopeless and remember His faithfulness.
And if you can't find perspective right now, you can borrow mine. You are going to look back on this and it will be a little blip. You'll be proud of yourself for getting through it, and you'll be in a new season.
2. Move your body and get outside
When we feel stuck, we're often physically stuck too. Curled up on the couch, back in bed, or in the house all day. Even 20 minutes of changing what's around you and what your body is doing can shift your mindset.
I know this about myself, and my husband knows it too. When it all feels like it's crumbling, I have to go on a walk. About 99% of the time, I come back a different person, usually excited and hopeful. Sometimes bigger stuff doesn't get instantly solved, but it always improves.
The ideal version is a walk alone, because then I get to change my environment and my body, and also talk to God about it. I get a clear head to think and pray through what's going wrong in my thoughts. But when the kids are home and that's not possible, it can look like getting everyone out the door for a walk. That can feel overwhelming at first, but once we get there, we all feel better. We're in fresh air, moving, and doing something that feels productive.
It isn't mind-blowing advice. But I've trained myself, and my husband, to know that this is what I need to do when I feel that way. So consider this your reminder.
3. Pray in authority
This one has helped me so much lately. Sometimes when we pray, it sounds like, "God, please help me, please fix this, Lord, I'm so tired." And that's fine. God wants every part of us, and we don't have to perform for Him. But when we only pray that way, I usually still feel stuck.
Praying in authority is different. We take the authority Christ has given us as His children. He has already defeated death, which means He has defeated every hard thing we're walking through. So instead of looking at the rubble, the crumbling building you keep tripping over, we look to the victory.
A couple of days ago I was on a walk and I was dragging. I was tired, weary, and feeling some of that hopelessness stirring. Then something shifted, and I believe it was a prompting of the Holy Spirit. I started to pray, "God, thank you that you're a good God who goes before me. Thank you that you have solutions for everything I'm walking through. Thank you that this is going to get better."
If it's your marriage, it might sound like declaring unity in the name of Jesus, thanking God that He brought you together and nothing can separate you, and praying that you'll walk in the fullness of the life He has for you. If it's the baby, it might be, "Thank you that you made her on purpose and that you have a great plan for her." That zooms me out of the bottle she's drinking and onto her whole future.
When I start praying like this, something shifts. We move from hopelessness to hope, because we realize that God is our hope, and God is moving on our behalf. It's not by your own strength. He comes alongside you and empowers you to pray this way. If you can do it out loud, even better.
4. Get creative problem solving or fresh vision
Sometimes we just need someone to help us. There are great resources for everything, whether you're struggling with parenting, your marriage, your walk with God, or your work. Knowing there's something that can equip you and change things brings hope on its own, and then it actually helps you change the situation.
Sometimes my favorite thing to do in these moments is equip myself with a practical resource. Other times it's sharpening my vision for the future and what's possible, because that helps me hope again that things can be greater than they are today.
Try This Today
Next time hopelessness starts to settle in:
1. Zoom out. Say "this too shall pass," ask the five-year question, and remember how God has come through before.
2. Move your body and get outside. Even 20 minutes counts.
3. Pray in authority. Thank God for the victory instead of staring at the rubble.
4. Find a resource or fresh vision. Let someone or something equip you.
If you're caught in hopelessness right now, pause and try number three before you do anything else. And if the heaviness feels constant and you need more support than a blog post can give, please reach out to a Restoration Theory trained therapist or coach near you at restorationtherapytraining.com/find-a-therapist or restorationtherapytraining.com/find-a-coach.
If something in this resonated, you don't have to stop here.
If you're not sure what's actually keeping you stuck, the free quiz is a good place to start. It takes just a few minutes and will point you toward exactly where to begin.
If you're ready to go further, the Unstuck Workshop walks you through the pain cycle, the peace cycle, and the four steps in a few hours — and it will change the way you see yourself.
Either way, you don't have to keep figuring this out alone. Made Whole is here, and your next step is closer than you think.
